But I Love His Family

Lonely from having no family and after trying various dating websites to no success, I ultimately found someone at work. I was a nurse and he was an Emergency Room doctor. He was divorced, but that was five years ago and he seemed ready to move on. We decided to get married and my successful husband accepted a job back in Texas where he grew up. My family lived in Chicago, but I was happy to move away from the cold winters. Ron had a huge, loving family and I embraced his family even more than my own. Ron’s mom loved me. My mother-in-law cooked dinner for us once a week and my in-laws were often stopping by just to say hi, or bring over a batch of cookies. We even went on family vacations together with the entire extended family.

After twelve years and two boys, the marriage moved into a slow, degenerating pattern. We didn’t fight, rather we just faded. We didn’t talk much to each other. He went off to his exciting hospital job and I stayed home with the kids. I always had dinner on the table, but the house with two young sons was a mess and I didn’t always take great care of myself. I was exhausted and wouldn’t have the energy to work out or feel the need to dress up. Sometimes Ron would come home at the end of a long day, and I was still in my sweatpants without having even showered that day. He didn’t say much, but he also didn’t pursue me the way he had in the early years of our marriage. Eventually, he had an affair. I found out in the worst way possible.

I came home from a “Girls Night Out” one evening to find him in bed with another nurse from the E.R. The scene was straight out of a movie. Neighbors heard the shouting and called the police. All calmed down, but the marriage was left with huge scars. Ron couldn’t lie his way out of the affair and I didn’t want to give up the marriage. Frankly, I wanted to stay connected to his family. I loved his mom and siblings and would fight to stay together just so that the rest of my life would remain intact.

Has this happened to you? What advice would you give to someone in this situation?

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